Self Advocacy 101 - How to Advocate For You and Your Needs as a Teen with misophonia.
I’ll be so honest. Self-advocating for your needs as a teen is SO hard. Especially when you have a disorder that not many people have heard about. Self-advocacy is such an important skill to strengthen as a teen. Whether it’s a substitute teacher at school who doesn’t understand why you need headphones, (I’ve been there myself,) or explaining your needs to a teacher on the first day of classes, advocating for yourself and your needs is how you will survive and thrive in this world as someone with misophonia.
As someone who has found herself needing to advocate for her needs quite often in life, I’ve found a few tips and tricks that work wonders when discussing your needs with others, especially authority figures. I’ll share my experiences and tips right here, so stay tuned as we talk all things self advocacy.
To start, lets talk about what self advocacy is. It’s the act of advocating for your own needs. Sounds simple enough, but in reality it can be very difficult to get the hang of. For teens with misophonia, self advocacy often looks like asking someone to spit out their gum, or telling a teacher about your 504 plan.
Kindness is key.
The first thing to keep in mind is that kindness is key. Being rude to people won’t get you anywhere, especially if you are asking them to do something for you. Stay kind, and the rest will come easier. Say I’m talking to a teacher, who may have placed me in a seat that I’m not comfortable in, because the person behind me is chewing gum. I always start with a smile, and a “Hey there,” because by being friendly, the teacher is more inclined to help you.
Keep it quick.
The next thing to keep in mind is to be respectful of their time. Keep your request short and to the point. Instead of spending an hour explaining what misophonia is, maybe try having a quick explanation ready about it. Something like, “I have a disorder called misophonia, which is an auditory processing disorder where certain sounds, or triggers cause a sense of fight or flight in my body, which often causes anxiety for me in certain triggering situations.” By having a short description ready, you are being clear and quick with the why behind your request. In terms of actually asking for the main thing you need, continue to keep it short. In the example of above, asking a teacher for a seating change, I’d say something like, “I’ve been struggling with that spot because the person behind me is creating some of my trigger sounds. I noticed that the chair on the other side of the class is available, would it be possible for me to switch to that seat for the remainder of this semester?” Boom! Now you’ve explained the why and the what of your request.
Time it well.
You should also keep in mind the timing of your request. You probably don’t want to ask your teacher in the middle of a lesson, or maybe even during class time at all. I recommend staying after class or arriving before class to talk with your teacher, so that you are being respectful of their time, and not asking them at an inconvenient time. This goes for any other sort of request of others, always time it well.
All in all, self advocacy comes down to just a few factors, kindness, keeping it quick, and timing it well. If you remember these key things, you will be a pro at self-advocacy in no time. Below, I’ll add more examples of what self advocacy looks like in different scenarios,
Scenario - You have had a tough day and need some alone time, but your parents really want to have a family dinner.
What to say - “As much as I’d love to spend some time with you over dinner, I’ve had a hard day misophonia-wise. Would it be alright if I ate in a different place tonight? I think it would really help me self-regulate.
Why - My parents love to have family dinners, but sometimes being around people eating is the last thing I want to do after a day at school. By asking politely to eat somewhere else, you are putting your needs first, and showing them that you know how to ask for what you need. Bonus points though if you compromise with them and find another way to spend time together, like a walk or a game night!
By suggesting a compromise, you are keeping it quick for them, solving your own problem, and communicating clearly your needs.
Scenario - You are in the car with your best friend on a road trip with their family, and they pop in a piece of gum.
What to say - Hey, you may remember me telling you about my misophonia, where gum sounds trigger me, would you mind either spitting out your gum, or letting me put on my headphones and zone out until you’re finished? Thanks!
Why - As amazing as your friends may be, it isn’t their responsibility to mind your misophonia. Sometimes you’ll find someone who always remembers and respects you by not eating around you, but oftentimes they may forget. The key is to never make them feel bad about forgetting, just to kindly remind them and ask to compromise with them.
By keeping it kind, you are more likely for them to honor your request. You could even time it so that they don’t even have time to put gum in their mouth, saving them a piece for later!
I hope this helped you sharpen your self-advocacy skills! Remember that it takes time to perfect, and that practicing now will help you later. You got this!